Lycra Aversion

I love cycling. It brings back the innocence of youth as I glide like a fluid, free agent in a fixed, stationary universe. I’m loose and free flowing, like my clothes. So I struggle to understand the wearing of Lycra in any other context other than gymnastics.

In particular, I wonder why cyclists need to wear tight clothing that advertises sports drinks? Do these guys honestly think that we, the admiring pedestrians, acknowledge their magnificence because it is endorsed by a corporate sponsor? Surely their Sunday morning heroics are self-evident.Why is it that the sponsors are exclusively protein drinks, when the average Joe cyclist devours an array of consumer goods as he burns through the kilojoules? This is the great, unconquered virgin territory of AdLand. It’s a great opportunity for other products to advertise, like manufacturers of washing machine detergent, or sports deodorant, sock makers, local spray-on tan parlours, sports masseurs, brands of lube oil, rubber products, and so on. And why just sports drinks when cyclists are frequently seen taking shots of expresso en route. That opens up the whole expresso machine market to exploitation on the back of their Lycra.Australia and New Zealand once pinned their economies on the back of a sheep. This is the latest incarnation. Furthermore, it is only a matter of months and cyclists will be lobbying for carbon credits in the nascent Emissions Trading Scheme. It will work something like this: every kilometre travelled by bike is recorded on a cyclemeter attached to the bike’s wheel. The device can be removed to connect to a computer. The cyclist logs onto a public data base and the kilometres travelled by bike are recorded. At the end of the financial year carbon credits are issued by the Australian Tax Office which can be used to purchase carbon neutral products.Its a cycle-led recovery. On yer bike and get pedalling.

So as I watch a type A cyclist bristling impatiently in a expresso coffee queue, his pumped adrenalin levels already ramped up by the equine hormone and the imminent double shot of coffee, I notice that his Lycra advertises Express Courier services and Phuel (marketing company). Later that day Liberal Party agitator Tony Abbott is seen in his Lycra advertising AMGEN (a biotech company). Lycra-clad cyclists are mobile billboards. Choose to watch that space – or that of their flashing buns.

Ok, so now Tony Abbott ups the ante with his value-added-Lycra by foisting his budgie-smugglers onto us, an aghast public audience. It will be interesting to see the effect of his scheming contours, his hard Right, and the carbon-coloured deniers from his shadowy cabinet.


~ by aspergine on February 10, 2010.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: